Thoughts Lie
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things” (Philippians 4:8 NIV).
The blog title phrase is a quote from Rick Warren, in his book, “The Daniel Plan.” He also comments, “Part of staying focused is being able to develop mastery over the quality of your thoughts.” . . . It is often the uninvestigated thoughts that drive depression, anxiety, fear, and overeating that derail progress toward better health.”
I’ve found that to be fundamentally true! It wasn’t until I got really honest with myself — about a lot of things — that I felt I could actually “do this differently” this time. I realized I had to make a fundamental change in every area of my life. And I really struggled, to be honest — that’s why it took me several months once I started considering it to be at a point where I could make the decision to go for it all in.
I’ve been on a journey, for sure. It really began when I started writing my book in earnest last year. The journey started just about this time, as noted in my last post. That book, Woman With The Alabaster Jar: A Life Poured Out, did NOT turn out anything like I thought it would! I think — and hope — it turned out so much better than MY original plan. God took over, once I surrendered to Him. He did some deep, tough work in me throughout the months I worked on the book, and since.
I kept — keep — thinking, “OK, He’s done.” Not so! I keep finding myself at a precipice of going deeper, moving forward, or staying where/as I am. So far, I’ve chosen the less easy, less safe and uncharted path. And He is faithful! I keep wondering why God would expend the extra energy to remake me closer to His image of me. I’m just this flawed, undisciplined, impossibly hard-headed, tip-toer to the edge of trouble. And yet . . .
And yet, He refuses to let me just be! I have always felt, from the time I could form such an idea, that I had a unique voice to share with the world. It wasn’t until recently, I started to fall in love with wounded, broken, unpolished and defaulter to the “easy” self as someone who had the opportunity to heal, be made whole, shine and grow strong . . . and use my journey to offer others the hope that God is certainly not done with them yet either!
What higher purpose, what word of relief and hope could I ever offer on my own? The answer is: none. It would be Impossible!
I cannot express enough how weird it still feels to love myself so wholly! I have to keep reminding myself that is the case — like constantly! I know it’s intended to be a gift but, honestly, it’s one that’s tough to graciously receive — and own. But I took it — and you can’t give back a gift, saying, “Never mind I don’t want it now!” So here I am, in this uncomfortable place between the thoughts that lie and the ones that speak truth and light and power.
Thoughts lie. But I know it, so I get to chose which ones I act on and listen to. So far, God’s proven Himself smarter than me, so I’m going with the ones from Him: light, love, grace, hope, healing. It’s still a war, but I’m winning more and more battles daily. I just keep going. I just keep writing. It’s all I know to do. It’s all I’ve ever wanted to do. He is using it, and me, for His purpose.
Thank you hardly seems adequate.
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